Wednesday, December 24, 2008

overdosing on the christmas cheer - from the land of oz

it is 3:01am on christmas morning and i cannot sleep, just cannot sleep!

i think we are having pancakes for breakfast and i took a little peek under the tree. just a little one. i am very lucky, for later today i will be part of not 1, not 2 but 3 christmas meals all in the span of 24 hours. how does she do it you might ask? well for one, i am hoping that santa will be kind this year and gift me 'the button' pant and skirt extender to make the day run as smoothly as possible:

"The Button" Pant and Skirt Extender.
Don't suffer! Add an inch to your waistband! Adds comfort to any button waist jeans or slacks. Excellent for tight jeans, pants, dockers, and skirts.Why BUY NEW CLOTHESto accommodate a few days per month?!!! Transfers easily from one pair of jeans to the next with NO SEWING!!!

f**k me. who thinks of this shit?

we had a garage sale last week, to get rid mostly of my shit. and there was a lot of it.

i put out a vase, the ugliest fu**er you have ever seen. it was kind of pink. dead person pink with a bit of post mortem grey, and weird paper mache stuck to it. oh and shells! i put a sticker on it 'the worlds ugliest vase - 50c' and i was so pleased someone bought it within 9 min of opening our front gate to the maniacs who had been waiting there for an hour, i kind of blurted out my joy a bit too loudly 'hey you bought the worlds ugliest vase, that's priceless'. the guy was not happy with me. man people really do buy shit and it was my shit which is even worse. i guess i don't have a high opinion of my own belongings.

speaking of filling your house with more crap that you don't need. why not try something a little different this year? pics up top as I can't figure out how to get them down here.

Fundies (The Underwear Built For Two) - Some couples share everything. For the people who won't accept that there is such a thing as too much intimacy, there is Fundies.

WTF? Is that even hygienic?

The P Mate: Jesus I have been trying to convince everyone that this thing does exist. We were presented with a pack of these in Summer 2007 at a festival in SK and I talked about it on stage and everyone thought I was nuts and making it up. But here is the proof! Oh and just for the record, it works...

Freud would be proud. Now women can pee like men. That's right, women everywhere can experience the joy that is standing up while going #1. What woman wouldn't love the experience that comes from the P Mate?

I feel especially disturbed by this one:

Perfect Naked Body Double Duvet Cover - Look good naked under the sheets!
Slip under the sheets and as if by magic see your body undergo a radical transformation, no costly surgery or arduous hours in the gym required!

Merry Christmas to you and yours, and remember: the world is a very sick place.